Ep. 21 - Leading Without Losing Yourself
If you're feeling like you're wearing 12 hats. The owner, the leader, the receptionist, the problem solver, the scheduler and on top of that, you're also making school drop-offs, packing lunches, trying to remember which kid needs to wear spirit wear tomorrow, then this episode is for you.
Let's talk about the invisible load of leadership.
The Invisible Pressure
Running a spa with a team sounds like freedom. But for many spa owners, especially moms, it's just a different kind of busy.
You're not just responsible for clients anymore. Now you're caring for:
Your team
Client expectations
Payroll deadlines
Admin overflow
Your kids' schedules and needs
Getting up in the middle of the night if one of your littles needs you
This invisible pressure to "keep it together" for everyone
It's not just about your time. It's also about your energy. And that energy drain adds up.
It can feel heavy, especially when you don't have clear boundaries with your team, or you still feel responsible for everyone's happiness. You're hesitant to let go because you're afraid things won't be done right. It makes asking for help harder in any situation.
You're trying to lead well, but no one ever showed you how to lead without carrying it all.
When both your spa and your family are leaning on you as the default decision maker (which is very common for us women, especially moms), it can feel like you're running two full-time jobs.
So how do you lead without losing yourself, without losing your mind? How do you make this work?
How to Lead Without Losing Yourself
I'm not perfect at this, but I might be just a few steps ahead of you. Here's what I've learned:
1. Clarity Over Control
Instead of trying to control everything, be very clear in the roles. Define the roles—everything from someone who's super part-time and only comes in every other Saturday to help with admin work, to your housekeeper if you have one.
Know what is yours to own and what is not. Be very clear on the roles everyone plays.
Just like you teach your kids to put away their own shoes and throw away their own garbage, your team can also own their responsibilities.
2. Boundaries
This can be so hard and challenging sometimes, especially if you're not sure what they should be.
I actually had a team member once say, "What's a boundary?"
That kind of shook me to my core. Ever since then, I've been very adamant about describing and defining boundaries because they can look different for everyone.
Just know that these are always changing and evolving. It's okay if something is okay today but not okay tomorrow.
A boundary is basically an if-then statement:
"If you hit me, then I will leave the room."
"If you talk to me like that, then this conversation is over."
A boundary is only a boundary if the consequence is upheld.
Be empathetic, but don't absorb other people's energy or responsibility. You can support someone without taking their stress home with you.
3. Systems to Reduce Decision Fatigue
This is SO important. Systems help with team communication. SOPs, policies, checklists. Basically rules that stop you from being the go-to answer for everything.
Your team can always reference a document, video, or routine that's been created around this thing to make it easy.
Just like a shared family calendar keeps everyone on the same page at home, SOPs and team communication tools help you from being that one bottleneck.
Example: If somebody comes to you and says, "I know I've already asked you this like three or four times, but what do I do again?" you can say with clarity, kindness, and compassion:
"You know what? I actually made this document specifically so you could always reference it and it should answer every question you have. Do you know how to find it?"
Systems are incredible for taking the load off your shoulders.
4. Train Your Team to Be Resourceful (Self-Sufficient)
Instead of giving the answer every single time, ask a question instead:
"What do you think the next step is?"
"What would you do in this situation?"
This helps your team member (and your littles, if you have them) build problem-solving skills. It's going to help them be resourceful, be self-starters, and honestly get a little creative if they need to be.
I've found that when I do this, I actually implement the things they talk about.
My Experience With This
There was a time in my leadership journey when I had the habit of jumping in too quickly whenever something came up—a scheduling hiccup, a supply issue, a client request.
My thought process (which I'm sure is extremely common): "It'll be faster if I just jump in and do it myself."
But I was robbing my team member of the opportunity to problem-solve and figure it out for themselves.
When I started stepping back and giving them space to own the solution, I started noticing:
They came up with new, more efficient ways to handle common problems
They were more confident in their job and abilities
It took SO much off my plate (incredible, honestly)
That shift didn't just lighten my workload. It made the whole spa run more smoothly without me having to be in the middle of everything and creating a bottleneck. Because that's truly what I was—the bottleneck.
You Don't Have to Do It All Yourself
Leadership doesn't have to mean doing it all yourself. You can be a connected, compassionate leader without running on empty.
Ready to create breathing room in your business and your life?
Fill out this intake form to book a discovery call with me. I can show you exactly what I did and how I was able to create time freedom and financial freedom for myself.
I can help you create a plan that brings clarity, support, and breathing room back into your business and your life. You deserve to lead without losing yourself. And it is absolutely possible.
